by Kay Cooke | Apr 1, 2023 | be well, mental health, mind-body, neurology, next generation, NLP, parenting, parents, psychology, resilience, workingwithkids
“I’m bored.”
Means “I don’t know what to do”?
Which implies “I need to know what to do”?
And therefore “please help me to avoid this feeling of uncertainty.”
TIME is the commodity and EMOTION is the currency; when we have time, we want to fill it will good feelings. And we can.
Yet a cruel outcome of fast-fix good feelings is ‘learned helplessness (“I’m bored – fix my feelings”)’ nourished by passive feel-goods like TV, social media, sugar, alcohol …
Phew!
Anxiety is dissolved by passive feel-goods. But not for long because we never resolve the nagging feeling that we dislike ‘that boredom space’.
Such a shame!
So many people feeling miserable and trapped within the solutions of quick-fixing profiteers.
Because!
Our brains are so easily trained, wired and re-wired.
Rewired by passive learning (the less aware we are of the boredom programming, the easier the acceptance).
Rewired by active learning and creative engagement with boredom to experience new and novel handling of uncertainty:
problem solving – how will I make that old sofa more comfortable?
creation – what kind of meal can I make out of these ingredients?
imagination – what will my garden look like if I dig up the flower bed?
experimentation – which windowsill has best suited my house plant?
exploration – let’s visit that woodland walk I heard about.
discovery – which food upset my digestion?
role play – how does it feel to pretend to be like my favourite calm person?
learning – which thoughts motivate me most?
Boredom!
Provides training ground for THRIVING through adapting and adjusting to difficulties and disappointments. Thriving brains know more conscious CHOICES.
Boredom!
Also provides training ground for SURVIVING through having our attention controlled by someone else. Surviving brains revert to auto-pilot and can’t make conscious choices.
Boredom!
Is a curious description of a state of human consciousness where there is space to be trained into helplessness and survival behaviour, or it is a space to build resourcefulness and resilience for a thriving future.
Thrive!
Let your children – and your own inner child – handle boredom actively …
by Kay Cooke | Jan 30, 2023 | be well
“If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.”
Henry Ford
Does that make sense to you?
Where are the ‘problem-repeats’ in your life?
You know it’s often easier to notice those patterns in other people’s lives, but when you cast your your mind back through your timeline, which problems keep repeating?
Did you ever try to change them?
Did you ever find a really good coach to help you harness the superpower of imagineering?
Your future starts in imagination – whether you are imagining what you are going to do later today, tomorrow, or next year – you’re setting your brain’s GPS.
We walked on the moon thanks to someone’s imagination. Yet some people terrorise and limit their future selves with wayward imaginineering! And so it needs to be harnessed and handled with precision. NLP is an amazing tool to help you do this easily.
For now, you could start by imagining what would happen if a mysterious force extinguished ‘problem-repeats’ from your world and breathed new life-energy into your life. What differences shine through? What does not change at all?
Imagination is a super skill, learn to use it with super precision. Isn’t it time to shine?
by Kay Cooke | Jan 30, 2023 | work well
CLICK HERE to watch John and I discuss many important aspects of communicating to influence with integrity and precision, especially online!
John is President of the Society of NLP.
See more in John’s chapter in this book Inspirations for Thriving Through Chaos
by Kay Cooke | Feb 28, 2022 | work well
Do you know Alexa, the virtual AI assistant (small electronic hub that talks to you) bringing lightning-fast connection between you and the internet? The protocol for this type of interaction is simple – YOU have to speak AI language, articulating precisely what you want, then you get instant results.
“Alexa, what is the time?”
“Alexa, play relaxing music”
“Alexa, what is the weather forecast for London, tomorrow?”
“Alexa, stop!”
Does this level of word precision sound familiar?
Reminds me of our NLP work where we look at structures of communication and learn to use precise communication to get precise results. That clears up misunderstanding when ‘meaning’ can get distorted, confusing the message.
So, what happens when someone doesn’t speak AI and tries to communicate on their terms …
Angry Ally got mad with Alexa who repeated “I’m sorry, I don’t understand that.” Ally blamed Alexa’s lousy programming for not delivering the result he wanted, and the AI was swiftly dispatched to the bin.
Nice Nanna’s attempts of asking “Alexa please, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like you to play X” left her feeling depressed and useless because the receiver got confused with all those words and zoned out. Even “please would you stop playing that now, Alexa” got no result.
Because AI speaks in code and signals, following a programme and there are no routes for making assumptions or ‘trying’ to deliver.
Smart Sam was curious about which verbal requests worked best and soon found the precise results he wanted. By adapting to the receiver’s programme, he soon got to discover more benefits of this new relationship. That put him in firmly in charge.
Unfortunately, Ally refused to adapt and remained in battle mode on a mission to prove he was right, while Nanna felt a failure by the thought that she was wrong. Both stuck to their own kind of music, both making their own misery by rubbishing another or pitying self.
You see, when the language of engagement is precise, look out for lightning-fast results. Learn how to tune in to the language codes of your friends and colleagues and make life smoother, easier, and happier. Wait – you did know that we all speak through different codes, didn’t you? Of course, you know your kind of language for sure, but there’s always room for improvement …
by Kay Cooke | Nov 29, 2021 | work well
Have you ever found yourself saying to a colleague, something like ‘please read this report’ when what you really want to say is, ‘just read the (damn) report!’
You added the ‘please’ because you’re trying to find that balance between politeness and authority, but it still sounds like a request when you’d rather it was an instruction.
Adding the word please certainly keeps you in the polite zone, but it may not succinctly influence the receiver or truly enhance the effectiveness of your communication.
So how can you remain polite while sounding more authoritative?
Here are three quick wins for maximising face-to-face influence:
- Breathing from the diaphragm instantly makes you sound more confident by lower your vocal pitch.
- Ensure each message ends in a commanding downward inflection
- Use clear, illustrative gestures that mimic the request
Combine these to stack the odds of your influence, in your favour. And add this gem which quite literally has you minding your Ps and Qs by replacing ‘could you please read this report’ with ‘could you read this report (pause) thank you’.
By adding a ‘thank you’ at the end of that request, you’ve already got them thinking about having completed the polite request! Saying ‘thank you’ is a mind trick that suggests to the listening ear, completion is a certainty.
Top tip! It’s a playground out there, have fun experimenting with these skills for more effective communication!
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