While the festive season (or any family gathering) brings many challenges, physically, financially, socially, emotionally and cognitively, here is a simple guide to making the most out of our brain states during these coming weeks.
Three essential brain states play a significant role in shaping perceptions and responses to the world:
> the survival brain system – handle with care
> stress brain system – wobbles most likely
> thrive brain system – gold standard
NO1: Handle With Care!
The first and most primitive brain state (which hopefully you won’t have to deal with) is the survival system; focused on prioritising physical safety through instinctual reactions such as fighting, fleeing,
or freezing.
Individuals in this state have rigid or flaccid personal boundaries and are driven by impulses to seek immediate (and often erroneous) comfort and security.
This brain state navigates life through a lens of hostility, oppression, and threats, leading to a belief in being a victim of life’s cruelties.
What you can do:
- Unconditional acceptance of ‘what is’
- Talk in present tense – avoid reminiscing or future projecting.
- Reference agreeable sensory experience (e.g. “look at those red berries, there are carol singers on the radio, this tablecloth feels creased, the candle smells of pine, can you taste the ginger?”)
- Avoid discussing (or redirect) perceptions and opinions of the wider world (especially politics).
- Share happy news (not complaints) about family members.
- Make no attempt to convince them their reality could/should be otherwise.
- Be a beacon of inspiration by proving that you are physically, emotionally, and mentally safe to be around.
- Play simple non-competitive games.
- Encourage rest, hydration, nutrition, connection.
By stark contrast, the thrive system, focuses on growth and development in physical, emotional, and cognitive aspects. Individuals in this state are open to constructive interactions with others, engage in self-reflection and adaptability to life’s challenges.
Curiosity becomes a driving force that propels them towards exploring their full potential, testing new possibilities, and amplifying positive outcomes. And a sense of purpose with passion for self-mastery, serve as the guiding principles of thriving in this brain state.
What you can do:
- Experience a wide range of genuine emotions that include joy, peace, excitement, anticipation.
- Be present to and enhance, a wide range of sensory experiences.
- Exchange happy memories of the past and hopes for the future.
- Play games that invite collaboration and a little competition.
- Bathe in feelings of joy, laughter and loving.
NO3: Wobbles Most Likely!
Somewhere in-between the first two brain states is the all too familiar stress-brain system. This state puts a premium on emotional safety by seeking connections with people and aspects of life aligning with their own emotions and experiences.
Stressed individuals seek ‘sameness’ and often compare themselves to others to establish ‘difference’ which can lead to a distorted elevation (or collapse) of self that feels familiar.
Personal boundaries may fluctuate between being overly stiff and non-existent. A lot of energy is required to filter reality for confirmation of personal control in a world of hostility.
What you can do:
Deal with difficult people through self-reflection (own/adjust your part to play in conflict – aim for win-win).
- Make the environment a sensory smorgasbord that stimulates great brain chemistry by enhancing and drawing attention to positive, festive sights, sounds, smells, tastes and activities.
- Look for ways to facilitate/accommodate different world views.
- If troubles are aired, keep your own side of the street clean so you don’t become contaminated by collective stress.
- Avoid trying to convince anyone of anything – this is the season of peace and goodwill to all (a positive brain pathways to strengthen).
- Don’t try to predict a future that has many possible outcomes! Instead, drive your best life by conscious, creative curation. Aim for thrive.
- Devil is in the detail, so take a long view of the bigger goal – adaptability to life’s challenges.
Make curiosity your star mindset – explore best potential relationships and amplify the joys of positive outcomes.
Make your sense of purpose to be masterful in thriving.