Your brain is a prediction-making system.
It uses what has happened before to anticipate what is likely to happen next.
Usually, that’s useful.
But in families, it can create an interesting trap.
If your child has argued about homework every evening this week, you may already be expecting tonight’s argument before they even walk through the door.
If they usually become upset when you say no, you may brace yourself for the reaction before you’ve even answered.
If mornings are normally chaotic, you may wake up already anticipating the chaos.
And once your brain expects a familiar pattern, it becomes very good at finding evidence that the pattern is happening again.
So perhaps an interesting question for parents is:
What am I expecting my child to do next?
And then: Am I noticing what is actually happening — or am I looking for evidence that the familiar pattern is repeating?
Because our expectations don’t only change what we notice.
They can change how we enter the interaction too — our tone of voice, our body, the questions we ask, how quickly we intervene and what we assume something means.
And that can leave a child with surprisingly little room to do something different.
Sometimes creating change doesn’t begin with changing the child.
It begins by loosening our certainty about what is going to happen next.
What might become possible if this moment didn’t have to follow the usual script?
Happy Brain Next Generation
Helping adults understand what sits beneath behaviour.
As @thehappybraintrainer I help people empower their personal wellbeing and bite-sized chunks is so often the way to go!
So let’s go …
Neurochemicals are essential messengers in the brain that play a crucial role in regulating our moods, emotions, and cognitive functions. By learning how to influence the production of key neurochemicals, such as serotonin, GABA, oxytocin, dopamine, endorphin, and acetylcholine, we can nurture a healthier brain and cultivate a more fulfilling life.
There are said to be around 100 neurochemicals vital to our wellbeing, both for Survival and for Thrive, all ebbing and flowing in a multitude of combinations.
The 3 major stress chemicals are adrenaline, cortisol, and norepinephrine and they help to power fight or flight reactions, which is important in appropriate situations, but we don’t want them to dominate the quality of our brain chemistry.
My super 6 neurochemicals are no more important than the other 94, but they are listed here because they are well know, easy for you to research, and easy for us all to influence.
Serotonin
Often referred to as the ‘happiness molecule’. Essential for self- esteem and feeling calm. Promote through relaxation, deep breathing e.g. Balloon Breathing, meditation, bath soaks, and diet (e.g. good quality 85% cacao chocolate and herbs such as St. John’s Wort**)
GABA
This is known as nature’s Valium since it regulates anxiety by blocking or inhibiting stress chemicals. It also helps to support bodily movement. Promote through whole foods and vegetables, fermented foods, and herbs such as chamomile* and lavender*.
Oxytocin
Known as the hug hormone, this is essential for social bonding. Mothers and newborn babies are flooded with oxytocin (nature is very smart). Promote through skin touch e.g. hand holding, hugs, massage, cooperative activities, and herbs such as chamomile* and lavender*.
Dopamine
The feel-good reward for taking action, sets up motivation circuits. Promote through novelty, music, sport, dairy, omega 3, nuts and protein rich foods.
Endorphin
Nature’s ‘high’ that provides an analgesic effect. Promote through walking, dancing, exercise and laughter.
Acetylcholine
Helps to support memory signals, especially through deep restorative sleep. Supports movements. Promote through choline foods (eggs, fish, meats and whole grains) and herbs such as sage* and rosemary*.
*I use herbal teas and essential oils to help prepare myself – or my environment – for the task ahead.
I may want to calm my nervous system (lavender or chamomile), liven it up (bergamot or lime), or help memory (rosemary or sage).
Note – This is not prescriptive; you should always consult a health professional or medical herbalist before making
dietary changes. ***St John’s Wort is known to interact with medication – please seek advice before using.
Did you know?
o Phytochemicals in lavender inhibit sympathetic nervous system & bind with GABA receptors.
o Phytochemicals in chamomile bind with GABA receptors.
Asma Jacob is a Happy Brain Coach and therapist specialising in neurodiversity.
In this Pod Chat, Asma discusses her journey of self-discovery and the challenges of being diagnosed with dyslexia, autism, and ADHD later in life. She emphasises the importance of getting the right support and best tools for neurodivergent individuals to thrive.
Asma also highlights the concept of masking, where neurodivergent people adapt to societal expectations, often leading to mental health issues. She explores the impact of sensory processing and the use of stimming for self-regulation.
In this recording you will hear inspiring client stories, including a client who overcame significant anxiety and sensory overload to leave the house. Asma advocates for understanding and accepting one’s unique brain and providing tailored support. Asma’s work (with children and adults with learning disabilities and challenging behaviours) can be found: https://achievablejourney.co.uk
In this podcast, Happy Brain Trainers Kay Cooke and Tracey Hutchinson (British Horse Society coach) discuss the importance of language in riding instruction, emphasising the impact of both rider and coach’s words. They highlight that negative instructions, such as “don’t grip with your legs,” can inadvertently prompt the opposite behaviour. The conversation stresses the effectiveness of positive, clear instructions like “sit up straight” and the significance of tonality. They also explore the concept of NLP presuppositions, where phrasing instructions in a positive manner can influence the rider’s mindset and performance. The discussion touches on the psychological aspects of riding, including the rider’s internal language and the horse’s response to the rider’s state of mind.
This month’s focus is more on the neurotransmitter Serotonin, with an anecdote is about a 12-year-old client who set up his own empirical study of the effects of boosting serotonin.
Having taught Balloon Breathing to 12-year-old Jake, he still wasn’t convinced that he could reproduce the ‘in the moment relaxation’ I had induced in him.
You see his daily stress around homework and revision was grinding him down and generalising in other areas of life.
So, we made a plan for him to set up his own trial of the effects of both ‘preparing’ and ‘not preparing’ his body and mind for the tasks of homework and revision.
He was blown away with the results of Balloon Breathing and Body Balance (two techniques from our Calm Confidence Kit). Not only did he feel more relaxed while on task, but his grades improved AND he chose to practice these techniques during school tests. What impressed me most was his use of an Excel sheet to plot his own evidence!
Because that’s the secret to happy living – setting up your own bio-feedback system for self-improvement success. After that, it doesn’t take long for the mind to start trusting the positive direction of thrive sensations.
Jake boosted his serotonin levels. And to me that’s literally Sunshine Thinking because he learned to make a better decision about ways to brighten his days!
You probably know that serotonin is often referred to as the happiness molecule and is a neurotransmitter that can be boosted by relaxation, exercise, diaphragm breathing, and many other things, including diet. Did you know that 90% of your body’s serotonin is created and stored in your gut, reinforcing the importance of good gut health!
Here’s a short exercise that helps your neuro-bio-physiology relax. Do your own calibration and feel the effects of doing this and remember that it is easily teachable to young ones (e.g. preparing their brains for doing homework or tests).
Hold up your non-dominant hand (NDH) palm facing you.
Point to it with the other hand.
Place your pointing finger on the base of your NDH wrist.
Slowly trace up and down each of your fingers, noticing the sensations of skin on skin, in both directions.
Swap hands and calibrate any difference.
Tune into the physical sensations that your nervous system is providing you with.
Continue very slowly until you feel more relaxed.
To deepen the practice, you can bring awareness to your breath and keep doing the finger slide while coordinating a slow in-breath as you ascend each finger and a long out-breath with each descent. Hopefully you have now mindfully engaged your Parasympathetic Nervous System!
Note: this exercise activates both right and left brain hemispheres, boosts THRIVE neuro-chemicals like serotonin and oxytocin, and helps bring brain waves into Alpha wave coherence.
Every word, every utterance, carries an electro-chemical charge that affects your nervous system.
Words have power.
I can say the word ‘spider’ to 10 people and each person will build a unique image inside their minds. One that fits their personalised mental mapping/interpretation of that word.
I can say ‘vicious spider’ and some people will laugh; others will recoil in terror.
Some will imagine a cartoon spider, perhaps wielding a sword, others may see death jaws and claws.
The interpretation of any word is subjective. Yet that meaning will instigate a floodgate of FEELINGS i.e. neuro-chemicals.
Words are spells.
Many people are careless with words. Many people are wounded by words.
People are also strengthened by words.
Words carry powerful energies.
Tune into the intensity of your response to the following phrases.
You should know better.
You should have known better.
You might know better next time.
If you don’t feel the shift in your brain’s processing of these word combinations, call me. You should. You should know the great power of word-smithing. Because you are being bombarded by wordsmiths.
Every. Single. Day. Be they cunning and manipulative OR sloppy and ignorant.
To know is to reclaim your brain.
TAKE AN EVERY DAY CONVERSATION ABOUT A NEWS ITEM:
“They were REALLY AWFULL. They are such ignorant bigots who deserve what they get.”
= Fact-less opinions with a poisoned arrow of invitation into heavy emotional entanglement.
“I didn’t enjoy that. I found myself willing them to open their hearts, but it didn’t happen.”
= Personal opinion with a tangle-free opportunity to respond.
“Well, that’s not for me!”
= Honest statement as a platform to move the conversation onward.
Know the difference between facts, feelings, opinion, and imagination.
FACTS
Verifiable by the outside world.
FEELINGS
The meaning that your brain interprets with positive or negative emotions.
OPINION
How you see the situation.
IMAGINATION
How the situation could become better or worse.
GET CLARITY! And help your young ones to know these differences!
But those words and phrases don’t just happen out loud. No! The most toxic words can happen inside your mind.
So you really should start listening to your everyday vocabulary. Make sure you include:
Owning your opinion (I think)
Owning your emotion (I feel)
Empower Yourself!
In week one of Happy Brain training, we include an exercise to wake up your word-smart filters. It’s called The Fun-Shine Alphabet. Try it!
Take each letter of the alphabet and find fabulous words that make your brain, mind and body feel shiny, happy and joyful. It’s a Mini Mind Spa. Flush some happy chemicals through your system each day and format some positive language into your auto-pilot.
The magic starts inside your mind.
In which direction you choose to utilise your word power is between you and your morality. But I wish for a more kind, compassionate, tolerant, peace-seeking, curious, explorative, loving, fun, happy, intelligent, and healthy society. And I hope you’ll join me in the intention and practice of positive transformation through word power.
Wouldn’t it be Amazing if we Aimed our brains in Beautiful, Creative, Displays of Energised, Feelings, Growing, Hopeful, Imaginations, Joyfully, Kind and Loving, with Marvellous, Nourishment, of Opulent Playfulness, Quirky Resilience, with Shiny,Terrific Understanding and Violet-light Wonderment that leads to X-cellent, Yummy, Zinging!!!
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