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Navigating the Path to Personal Transformation – One Question at a Time

Navigating the Path to Personal Transformation – One Question at a Time

As we journey through life, it is natural to imagine our future selves, and to contemplate the changes we wish to see within us. Often, when prompted to envision a future say 12 months down the line, our minds gravitate towards tangible goals such as more money, a new house, a promotion at work.
These aspirations, while important, merely scratch the surface of our potential for growth and self-improvement because these kinds of desirable outcomes are so often just ideas given to us through social programming.
And we’ve glued them into our psyche through repetitive thinking. 

It is in the uncharted territories of our minds where true transformation awaits, longing to be discovered and embraced. But society thrives on conformity
and routine, teaching us what to value, leaving hidden, inner desires patiently waiting to be seen, heard, and set free.

When I ask clients to envision a transformed future self, I discover several common yearnings like increased confidence and inner calm. Admirable traits to strive for, yet they still represent the tip of the iceberg in our quest for lifelong personal enhancement.

Aristotle once said, “It takes an educated mind to entertain an idea without accepting it.” Profound wisdom urging us to be open-minded and receptive to concepts that challenge our existing beliefs.

  • Do you value lifelong personal enhancement? 
  • Are you open to changing in a way that paves self-discovery?
  • Will you commit to new skills for developing yourself as a better human?
  • Could you be more joyful, fulfilled, and in love with life?

In a world that often feels fragmented and detached, your power to effect conscious growth lies within. By committing to your unique path of enlightenment, you get to ripple-effect positivity and transformation into your corner of the world, whether through one-on-one interactions, close relationships, or group endeavors. We each have the capacity to influence and inspire others through our own journey of change.

So, say 12 months from now, you want more calm and confidence? Well, let’s tickle your imagination to go find new answers. Get specific! What do you see yourself doing more calmly or confidently, where, when, why, and with whom?

Embracing the art of well targeted questioning, invites a spirit of curiosity and exploration into our lives, propelling us towards a future fuelled by limitless possibilities and potential.

NLP is a master technology for helping people embark on their transformative journey where authentic change aligns inner and outer worlds. So go ahead and envision the most wonderful version of yourself 12 months from now. What do you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch? What are you doing? And how great does that feel? 

Go tickle the vital potential you are waiting for.

A Lovely Love Story by Edward Monkton

A Lovely Love Story by Edward Monkton

The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold, he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage.

Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.

The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.

“I like this Dinosaur,” thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. “Although he is fierce he is also tender and he is funny. He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.”

“I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur,” thought the Dinosaur. “She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice. She is also a free spirit which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.”

“But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times,” thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.  “He is also overly fond of things.  Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?”

“But her mind skips from here to there so quickly,” thought the Dinosaur.  “She is also uncommonly keen on shopping.  Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?”

“I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things,” thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur, “for they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.”

“I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping,” thought the Dinosaur, “for she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.”

Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old.  Look at them.  Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.

And that, my friends, is how it is with love.

Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together. For the sun is warm.  And the world is a beautiful place.

Stories That Define Us

Stories That Define Us

What is your story? In love and in life?

 

Where is there lack?

Where is there abundance?

Is there suffering?

Forgiveness?

Who are the key players?

How will it play out?

 

Let me help you re-author your story so it becomes a magnificent blueprint for the future you will surely design.

Changing your story will change your life.

Are you ready to do the work and explore new ideas?

Contact Kay for a chat.

Case Study: Lonely Lana

Case Study: Lonely Lana

Engineering The Mind

Working with young people (and their parents) means helping them understand the basics of designing a future self who is calm, confident, enjoying successful relationships, and is thankful for learning some basic secrets of happiness.

This process applies to any age!

 

“It is impossible to control any goal that requires other people to change.”

Case study: Lonely Lana

Moving schools had been a good decision for 14-year-old Lana but had left her yearning for her old group of pals. But her mind had played tricks on her, recalling the past in a kinder light, yet in truth, she had been quite unhappy with them. The NEW friendship group felt impermeable, and she came to see me asking for help with ‘social exclusion’.

We established that a couple of girls in the group were being really kind and friendly towards her, but this didn’t satisfy Lana and she found herself:

  1. Dismissive of easily available friendships.
  2. Keeping her sights fixed on getting attention from the big personalities.
  3. Negatively mind-reading the new group’s intentions.
  4. Negatively interpreting the body language of certain group members.
  5. Feeling awkward and self-conscious
  6. Fantasising that the old school friendship group was perfect.

We summarised our initial discussion in terms of her:

THOUGHTS – the group was unsure about her and viewed her with suspicion.

FEELINGS – self-conscious, unhappy, and awkward.

BEHAVIOUR – wanting to withdraw from the group.  

Delving deeper into her thinking patterns she soon revealed some fundamental beliefs that were triggering her own unhappiness.

Trigger thoughts included:

“Making new friends is hard work and tiring”

“Why don’t they? …. (act the way I want them to act)”

“I have lost my perfect old friends”

These thoughts triggered her ‘feel-bad’ strategy.

She ran this strategy in her mind ‘on-repeat’.

Neural plasticity meant that those self-harming thoughts became automatic – because she had practiced paying attention to them.

Soon into our session, Lana realised that her true (unconscious) friendship goal had been to be the popular one amongst a large group of girls. But she didn’t yet realise that goal was impossible to achieve since it required:

  • Exhausting effort to try to change the opinions and behaviours of others.
  • The others to prioritise her needs above their natural ordering.

I invited her to understand that it is impossible to control any goal that requires other people to change.  Trying to do that had been exhausting and frustrating, wasting energy and leading to disappointment in others and (self) generating feelings of unhappiness.

EXPLORING SOLUTIONS

I wondered if Lana could amend her friendship goal to “I want to feel relaxed and authentic around new people”. That would require her to expect nothing back from them, just to be curious and interested in the evolving relationships.

After all, a goal like this means being in charge of a goal you can actually control!

EXPERIMENT

We worked hypnotically to visualise Lana pitching up at school, looking for fun people to get to know while feeling relaxed, interested, humorous and happy. This imprinted a new neurological template which she could practise (through neural plasticity) until it became her autopilot.

FEEDBACK

We reframed her thinking so that SHE could reflect on, and positively adjust, her personal thoughts, feelings, and behaviours – it’s an inside job!

SKILLS

I taught her techniques for self-regulating wayward feelings.

FEED FORWARD

We looked through time to visit her future-self. The person who is calm, confident, enjoying a range of successful relationships, and thankful for learning some basic secrets of owning next-generation happiness.

Think this is just about children? Think again!

 

Matters Of Respect

Matters Of Respect

What does ‘respect’ mean to you?

So often people tell me their happiness/unhappiness is related to whether they feel respected or disrespected. And I wonder how they measure those matters; are there rules?

I hear people complaining that they feel small if they don’t receive enough/certain respect. And I hear other people bragging that they feel big when they demand respect by making others bend their words or behaviours.

Big or small –using the matter of respect to gain validation is at best a hollow win and at worst, a weapon.

Awareness. Is key. If you want to nourish your mind, take note of your reaction to the concept of respect. What does it mean to you?

My antidote to ‘issues’ arising from this matter, is to look for shining examples of people who neither play big nor small. Instead, they self-regulate their internal responses to external stimuli and get on with flowing along their personal path.

How does your ‘respect-o-meter’ work?

 

Finding Your North Star

Finding Your North Star

Do you have your own definition of good mental health? Have you ever thought about this? What are your guiding principles?

 

 

According to the UK Mental Health Foundation, good mental health is:

  • The ability to learn
  • The ability to cope with AND manage change and uncertainty
  • The ability to form AND maintain good relationships with others
  • The ability to feel, express and manage a range of positive AND negative emotions

In which of these areas do you excel? And which one needs some development? Does this resonate with you?

I’m a big fan of wellbeing personal audits since all of these ‘abilities’ once brought to your conscious awareness, can be trained, and refined. Accountability helps balance the current trend of victimhood.

You probably know how important it is to get clarity about the future you are aiming your brain towards. Aiming your mind and body towards better mental health seems like time well spent, don’t you think?

With that in mind, I’ve adapted the MHF definition into an easy exercise to help you do review your own needs. I suggest you write out your answers as it has a stronger imprint on the sub-conscious mind.

  • Is learning new things important for you? Is it easy? What would make it easier?

 

  • How adaptable are you to change and uncertainty? Where in your life, would you like to grow more flexibility and how would the ‘future you’ benefit from doing this?

 

  • Do you easily form new relationships? And how do you nurture longer term relationships? Where could you better connect with others?

 

  • Are you comfortable with your full range of emotions? With which emotions do you need to get more comfortable? Which ones do you want more of and which ones do you need less of?

 

  • Are you being the best you can be so that any time, any place anywhere you shine? Which aspects of your personal growth do you prioritise?

  • Is your ‘north star’ shining from the constellation called
    thrive?