by Kay Spare Login | Feb 16, 2025 | be well, mental health, next generation, work well

HUGS

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 hugs a day for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth”
Virginia Satir
World-renowned family therapist.

This quote emphasises the importance of physical touch to help us feel safe, belonging, calm, connected and trusting. All of which boost individual immune systems and support community wellbeing. Hugs help release a cascade of thrive neuro-chemistry, especially oxytocin.

Hugs are fuel for better family and social systems; a great investment for our children’s children’s children …

But what about people who are hug deficient, socially isolated, emotionally lonely? What can we do to boost this neuro-chemical that is so essential for wellbeing?

Can we bio-hack an oxytocin boost? 

Yes, we can. 

6 tips to optimise oxytocin levels for yourself and for others: 

• Come Find Me
• Resonating
• Gifting
• Petting
• H-Art
• H-Artifacts

Come Find Me
Check out the work of neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor who, upon regaining consciousness after a stroke, observed that medical staff and visitors were functional but detached. She describes feelings of being trapped inside her mind and body and yearning to plead: ‘Here I am, I’m in here, come find me…’

I’ve heard this yearning from many clients.

You can do that for someone (go find them…) by taking off your critical lens, your analytical thoughts and judgements and simply being present with the wonderful specimen of a human being who is being alive right in front of you.

Resonating

Whether you’re talking to someone face to face, over the garden fence or through social media, giving your full, undivided attention is a gift for both parties. This boosts a mind-body sensation where you feel a powerful energetic plug-in to another human.

Learn to tune up ALL your senses to be present with and for a significant other person, with your own whole being. It may take a bit of practice to let go of thoughts that try to convince you that your inside world is more valid than what’s occurring in the space between you, but try it. And feel the difference.

Gifting

Boost your neurochemistry of connection to and with others when you do things without the need for recognition. Make the art of authentic giving your new superpower. It can be:

A bloom from the garden, a special meal, a heartfelt gesture.

A gesture, hug, cuddle, caress, hand hold.

A compliment, giggle, smile.

A helping hand with chores or running a bath for someone.

Petting

Pets mirror our moods and petting them soothes stress levels in both parties by lowering cortisol and blood pressure while boosting oxytocin. Look up the data on Pets As Therapy! Soft, smooth rhythmic petting – especially skin-on-skin – stimulates calming neurochemistry and slower brain waves.

H-Artful

Draw, paint or colour heart shapes on stones, on paper, on anything! You are (re)setting your sub-conscious mind to loving associations. Kids do this naturally –when did you stop?!

Visualise your heart as a personal space for your loved ones to nestle, where you keep them cozy, warm and wrapped up in your purest love.

Play a game with your where you roll a dice and describe the sensations of feeling love in that number of words. For example, rolling the number 3 would lead to describing some sensations of love in three words, such as warm, rising, pink.

H-Artifacts

Look at your household artefacts and subjectively measure the level of associated emotional that your brain has anchored. Based on this ‘audit’ you can re-arrange common areas so that your daily view of pictures, photos, ornaments etc, maximise your happy chemicals. What’s the first and last thing you look at each day?

Dedicate time to looking through photos that bring back happy memories of times shared with loved ones. Celebrate these feelings.