by Kay Spare Login | Dec 1, 2025 | be well, kids, mental health, mind-body, next generation, parents, Personal growth, psychology, work well, workingwithkids
🗣️ When you truly listen, my heart speaks its truth.
💭 My worries and dreams seek to be heard, not dismissed.
🤝 Listening without judgment nurtures my mental wellness.
🧠 Sometimes I need advice, but mostly, I need to feel you’re with me.
🎶 I feel alive and connected when you hear me—together, we thrive.
Does this perspective of someone yearning to be heard… resonate with you? Watch the short video (2 mins) for the story.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH:
#ListenWithCare #ConnectedHearts #MentalWellness #FeelHeard #ThriveTogether
by Kay Spare Login | Dec 1, 2025 | be well, mental health, mind-body, next generation, parenting, work well, workingwithkids
While the festive season (or any family gathering) brings many challenges, physically, financially, socially, emotionally and cognitively, here is a simple guide to making the most out of our brain states during these coming weeks.
Three essential brain states play a significant role in shaping perceptions and responses to the world:
> the survival brain system – handle with care
> stress brain system – wobbles most likely
> thrive brain system – gold standard
NO1: Handle With Care!
The first and most primitive brain state (which hopefully you won’t have to deal with) is the survival system; focused on prioritising physical safety through instinctual reactions such as fighting, fleeing,
or freezing.
Individuals in this state have rigid or flaccid personal boundaries and are driven by impulses to seek immediate (and often erroneous) comfort and security.
This brain state navigates life through a lens of hostility, oppression, and threats, leading to a belief in being a victim of life’s cruelties.
What you can do:
- Unconditional acceptance of ‘what is’
- Talk in present tense – avoid reminiscing or future projecting.
- Reference agreeable sensory experience (e.g. “look at those red berries, there are carol singers on the radio, this tablecloth feels creased, the candle smells of pine, can you taste the ginger?”)
- Avoid discussing (or redirect) perceptions and opinions of the wider world (especially politics).
- Share happy news (not complaints) about family members.
- Make no attempt to convince them their reality could/should be otherwise.
- Be a beacon of inspiration by proving that you are physically, emotionally, and mentally safe to be around.
- Play simple non-competitive games.
- Encourage rest, hydration, nutrition, connection.
NO2: Gold Standard!
By stark contrast, the thrive system, focuses on growth and development in physical, emotional, and cognitive aspects. Individuals in this state are open to constructive interactions with others, engage in self-reflection and adaptability to life’s challenges.
Curiosity becomes a driving force that propels them towards exploring their full potential, testing new possibilities, and amplifying positive outcomes. And a sense of purpose with passion for self-mastery, serve as the guiding principles of thriving in this brain state.
What you can do:
- Experience a wide range of genuine emotions that include joy, peace, excitement, anticipation.
- Be present to and enhance, a wide range of sensory experiences.
- Exchange happy memories of the past and hopes for the future.
- Play games that invite collaboration and a little competition.
- Bathe in feelings of joy, laughter and loving.
NO3: Wobbles Most Likely!
Somewhere in-between the first two brain states is the all too familiar stress-brain system. This state puts a premium on emotional safety by seeking connections with people and aspects of life aligning with their own emotions and experiences.
Stressed individuals seek ‘sameness’ and often compare themselves to others to establish ‘difference’ which can lead to a distorted elevation (or collapse) of self that feels familiar.
Personal boundaries may fluctuate between being overly stiff and non-existent. A lot of energy is required to filter reality for confirmation of personal control in a world of hostility.
What you can do:
Deal with difficult people through self-reflection (own/adjust your part to play in conflict – aim for win-win).
- Make the environment a sensory smorgasbord that stimulates great brain chemistry by enhancing and drawing attention to positive, festive sights, sounds, smells, tastes and activities.
- Look for ways to facilitate/accommodate different world views.
- If troubles are aired, keep your own side of the street clean so you don’t become contaminated by collective stress.
- Avoid trying to convince anyone of anything – this is the season of peace and goodwill to all (a positive brain pathways to strengthen).
- Don’t try to predict a future that has many possible outcomes! Instead, drive your best life by conscious, creative curation. Aim for thrive.
- Devil is in the detail, so take a long view of the bigger goal – adaptability to life’s challenges.
Make curiosity your star mindset – explore best potential relationships and amplify the joys of positive outcomes.
Make your sense of purpose to be masterful in thriving.
Download this as a FREE PDF
by Kay Spare Login | Jun 6, 2025 | be well, Consciousness, mental health, NLP, Personal growth, work well
Hello Happy Brainers,
A busy and fruitful month of May has passed, and I am excited to share with you some key reflections that may resonate with and inspire your personal wellbeing journey.
**Like Attracts Like**
In mid-May, I had the pleasure of assisting in a Neuro Hypnotic Repatterning program in Italy with Dr. Richard Bandler. This program delves into immersing the mind-body in positive chemistry, unlocking the brain’s creative solutions centre. This experience of being part of a super high-calibre team, highlights the importance of surrounding oneself with excellence and raising personal standards of responsibility.
*Reflection:* How can you seek out and integrate systems of excellence in your daily life?
**Feedback to Feedforward**
Throughout May, I delved into personal metrics to assess my growth, including staying grounded in chaotic environments, embodying calm and confident states, and maintaining centeredness. Taking responsibility for the feedback loop of my mind-body connections has significantly improved my life.
*Reflection:* What personal metrics are you using to enhance your well-being and growth?
**Calibrating**
Whilst engaged in seminars in Italy and London during May, many discussions centred around techniques for family stability. We believe and teach that true flourishing requires the understanding of family dynamics, rather than simply managing symptoms. As a result, I’m excitedly making plans to reintroduce live workshops that support families in navigating their unique systems.
*Reflection:* How can you deepen your understanding of your family system to foster growth and stability?
**Collaborating**
The theme of collaboration resonated strongly among my peers in May, emphasising the value of authentic partnerships driven by shared values and skills. In times of rising consciousness, genuine connections and alliances are most definitely key to fostering growth and success. That means less shallow partnerships for economic or glamour gains.
*Reflection:* Since none of us are as smart as all of us, how do you align with others on or above your wavelength, to incubate and propagate mutual growth and success?
May has been a month of growth, reflection, and connection. Perhaps my insights have tickled yours? If so, please share what you apply to your personal journey for enhancing well-being and happiness. Kx
by Kay Spare Login | Feb 16, 2025 | be well, mental health, next generation, work well
HUGS
“We need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 hugs a day for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth”
Virginia Satir
World-renowned family therapist.
This quote emphasises the importance of physical touch to help us feel safe, belonging, calm, connected and trusting. All of which boost individual immune systems and support community wellbeing. Hugs help release a cascade of thrive neuro-chemistry, especially oxytocin.
Hugs are fuel for better family and social systems; a great investment for our children’s children’s children …
But what about people who are hug deficient, socially isolated, emotionally lonely? What can we do to boost this neuro-chemical that is so essential for wellbeing?
Can we bio-hack an oxytocin boost?
Yes, we can.
6 tips to optimise oxytocin levels for yourself and for others:
- Come Find Me
- Resonating
- Gifting
- Petting
- H-Art
- H-Artifacts
Come Find Me
Check out the work of neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor who, upon regaining consciousness after a stroke, observed that medical staff and visitors were functional but detached. She describes feelings of being trapped inside her mind and body and yearning to plead: ‘Here I am, I’m in here, come find me…’
I’ve heard this yearning from many clients.
You can do that for someone (go find them…) by taking off your critical lens, your analytical thoughts and judgements and simply being present with the wonderful specimen of a human being who is being alive right in front of you.
Resonating
Whether you’re talking to someone face to face, over the garden fence or through social media, giving your full, undivided attention is a gift for both parties. This boosts a mind-body sensation where you feel a powerful energetic plug-in to another human.
Learn to tune up ALL your senses to be present with and for a significant other person, with your own whole being. It may take a bit of practice to let go of thoughts that try to convince you that your inside world is more valid than what’s occurring in the space between you, but try it. And feel the difference.
Gifting
Boost your neurochemistry of connection to and with others when you do things without the need for recognition. Make the art of authentic giving your new superpower. It can be:
A bloom from the garden, a special meal, a heartfelt gesture.
A gesture, hug, cuddle, caress, hand hold.
A compliment, giggle, smile.
A helping hand with chores or running a bath for someone.
Petting
Pets mirror our moods and petting them soothes stress levels in both parties by lowering cortisol and blood pressure while boosting oxytocin. Look up the data on Pets As Therapy! Soft, smooth rhythmic petting – especially skin-on-skin – stimulates calming neurochemistry and slower brain waves.
H-Artful
Draw, paint or colour heart shapes on stones, on paper, on anything! You are (re)setting your sub-conscious mind to loving associations. Kids do this naturally –when did you stop?!
Visualise your heart as a personal space for your loved ones to nestle, where you keep them cozy, warm and wrapped up in your purest love.
Play a game with your where you roll a dice and describe the sensations of feeling love in that number of words. For example, rolling the number 3 would lead to describing some sensations of love in three words, such as warm, rising, pink.
H-Artifacts
Look at your household artefacts and subjectively measure the level of associated emotional that your brain has anchored. Based on this ‘audit’ you can re-arrange common areas so that your daily view of pictures, photos, ornaments etc, maximise your happy chemicals. What’s the first and last thing you look at each day?
Dedicate time to looking through photos that bring back happy memories of times shared with loved ones. Celebrate these feelings.
by Kay Spare Login | Jul 3, 2023 | be well, brain aim, kids, mental health, mind-body, resilience, work well, workingwithkids
Do you have your own definition of good mental health? Have you ever thought about this? What are your guiding principles?
According to the UK Mental Health Foundation, good mental health is:
- The ability to learn
- The ability to cope with AND manage change and uncertainty
- The ability to form AND maintain good relationships with others
- The ability to feel, express and manage a range of positive AND negative emotions
In which of these areas do you excel? And which one needs some development? Does this resonate with you?
I’m a big fan of wellbeing personal audits since all of these ‘abilities’ once brought to your conscious awareness, can be trained, and refined. Accountability helps balance the current trend of victimhood.
You probably know how important it is to get clarity about the future you are aiming your brain towards. Aiming your mind and body towards better mental health seems like time well spent, don’t you think?
With that in mind, I’ve adapted the MHF definition into an easy exercise to help you do review your own needs. I suggest you write out your answers as it has a stronger imprint on the sub-conscious mind.
- Is learning new things important for you? Is it easy? What would make it easier?
- How adaptable are you to change and uncertainty? Where in your life, would you like to grow more flexibility and how would the ‘future you’ benefit from doing this?
- Do you easily form new relationships? And how do you nurture longer term relationships? Where could you better connect with others?
- Are you comfortable with your full range of emotions? With which emotions do you need to get more comfortable? Which ones do you want more of and which ones do you need less of?
- Are you being the best you can be so that any time, any place anywhere you shine? Which aspects of your personal growth do you prioritise?
Is your ‘north star’ shining from the constellation called thrive?
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