by Kay Spare Login | Dec 1, 2025 | be well, kids, mental health, mind-body, next generation, parents, Personal growth, psychology, work well, workingwithkids
🗣️ When you truly listen, my heart speaks its truth.
💭 My worries and dreams seek to be heard, not dismissed.
🤝 Listening without judgment nurtures my mental wellness.
🧠 Sometimes I need advice, but mostly, I need to feel you’re with me.
🎶 I feel alive and connected when you hear me—together, we thrive.
Does this perspective of someone yearning to be heard… resonate with you? Watch the short video (2 mins) for the story.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH:
#ListenWithCare #ConnectedHearts #MentalWellness #FeelHeard #ThriveTogether
by Kay Spare Login | Dec 1, 2025 | be well, mental health, mind-body, next generation, parenting, work well, workingwithkids
While the festive season (or any family gathering) brings many challenges, physically, financially, socially, emotionally and cognitively, here is a simple guide to making the most out of our brain states during these coming weeks.
Three essential brain states play a significant role in shaping perceptions and responses to the world:
> the survival brain system – handle with care
> stress brain system – wobbles most likely
> thrive brain system – gold standard
NO1: Handle With Care!
The first and most primitive brain state (which hopefully you won’t have to deal with) is the survival system; focused on prioritising physical safety through instinctual reactions such as fighting, fleeing,
or freezing.
Individuals in this state have rigid or flaccid personal boundaries and are driven by impulses to seek immediate (and often erroneous) comfort and security.
This brain state navigates life through a lens of hostility, oppression, and threats, leading to a belief in being a victim of life’s cruelties.
What you can do:
- Unconditional acceptance of ‘what is’
- Talk in present tense – avoid reminiscing or future projecting.
- Reference agreeable sensory experience (e.g. “look at those red berries, there are carol singers on the radio, this tablecloth feels creased, the candle smells of pine, can you taste the ginger?”)
- Avoid discussing (or redirect) perceptions and opinions of the wider world (especially politics).
- Share happy news (not complaints) about family members.
- Make no attempt to convince them their reality could/should be otherwise.
- Be a beacon of inspiration by proving that you are physically, emotionally, and mentally safe to be around.
- Play simple non-competitive games.
- Encourage rest, hydration, nutrition, connection.
NO2: Gold Standard!
By stark contrast, the thrive system, focuses on growth and development in physical, emotional, and cognitive aspects. Individuals in this state are open to constructive interactions with others, engage in self-reflection and adaptability to life’s challenges.
Curiosity becomes a driving force that propels them towards exploring their full potential, testing new possibilities, and amplifying positive outcomes. And a sense of purpose with passion for self-mastery, serve as the guiding principles of thriving in this brain state.
What you can do:
- Experience a wide range of genuine emotions that include joy, peace, excitement, anticipation.
- Be present to and enhance, a wide range of sensory experiences.
- Exchange happy memories of the past and hopes for the future.
- Play games that invite collaboration and a little competition.
- Bathe in feelings of joy, laughter and loving.
NO3: Wobbles Most Likely!
Somewhere in-between the first two brain states is the all too familiar stress-brain system. This state puts a premium on emotional safety by seeking connections with people and aspects of life aligning with their own emotions and experiences.
Stressed individuals seek ‘sameness’ and often compare themselves to others to establish ‘difference’ which can lead to a distorted elevation (or collapse) of self that feels familiar.
Personal boundaries may fluctuate between being overly stiff and non-existent. A lot of energy is required to filter reality for confirmation of personal control in a world of hostility.
What you can do:
Deal with difficult people through self-reflection (own/adjust your part to play in conflict – aim for win-win).
- Make the environment a sensory smorgasbord that stimulates great brain chemistry by enhancing and drawing attention to positive, festive sights, sounds, smells, tastes and activities.
- Look for ways to facilitate/accommodate different world views.
- If troubles are aired, keep your own side of the street clean so you don’t become contaminated by collective stress.
- Avoid trying to convince anyone of anything – this is the season of peace and goodwill to all (a positive brain pathways to strengthen).
- Don’t try to predict a future that has many possible outcomes! Instead, drive your best life by conscious, creative curation. Aim for thrive.
- Devil is in the detail, so take a long view of the bigger goal – adaptability to life’s challenges.
Make curiosity your star mindset – explore best potential relationships and amplify the joys of positive outcomes.
Make your sense of purpose to be masterful in thriving.
Download this as a FREE PDF
by Kay Spare Login | Jan 3, 2025 | be well, calm, mental health, mind-body, neurology, next generation, parenting, resilience, Transforming, workingwithkids
Happy New Year! And while many people shift gears into their new year resolutions for a brighter year ahead, some of us in the northern hemisphere can feel a little low as vitamin D levels drop and the days are long, and dark.
Around 2 million people in the UK experience the January Blues, also known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). General recommendations for self-help include:
- Staying active with whole body movements (walk, swim, yoga)
- Making the most of natural light and being in nature
- Doing something creative (draw, paint, write)
- Taking time for self-nurture (bath, massage, reading)
- Keeping in contact with family and friends (shared experiences)
- Eating a healthy, balanced diet and staying hydrated
- Trying something new, novel and building new brain patterns
- Seeking professional help if symptoms are severe
Let’s deeper dive into ways you can help yourself and your loved ones, by focussing on a specific neuro-transmitters that is key to a happier brain:
SEROTONIN
Often referred to as the ‘happiness molecule’, serotonin is essential for self-esteem and feeling calm. You can boost serotonin through deep breathing, meditation, relaxing bath soaks and diet: chocolate (+85% cacao) , oats, dates, dairy products, eggs, fish, poultry, sesame, chickpeas, almonds, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds…
NOTE: Serotonin is depleted by sugar, smoking and alcohol.
Read on for six tips that will support your family’s serotonin levels:
- Lighten Up!
As your eyes perceive light, serotonin levels naturally rise, and mood is boosted. The benefits of being immersed in nature are well documented but in the depths of winter, chasing light can feel impossible. However, you can pay attention to sunlight reflections that bounce from rivers, lakes, the ocean, waxy leaves or other reflective surfaces.
Can’t get outside? Take a glass of water and place it near a window or any reflective surface (many people suspend ‘light catchers’ in their windows and watch the mesmerizing ‘fairies’ dance across the room). Please be careful and wise about placing anything that magnifies the sun’s power as a source of fire starting!
- Move!
Physical movement fires up serotonin neurons. Any movement – it doesn’t have to be classed as exercise. Routine housework chores move these signals through your body, and novel chores, e.g., clearing out a cupboard, will boost dopamine reward circuits too.
- Visualise!
Switch out of your worry-brain by engaging your creative right hemisphere. For example, imagine serotonin as a trillion golden stars bathing each and every cell of your whole anatomy while glistening, shimmering and shining.
- Star Breath!
Combining right hemisphere imagination with breathwork, allows you to imagine yourself breathing in (so deep it feels like your belly is expanding) ALL the shimmers into that space just below your diaphragm. Then with a slow and full outbreath, visualise photons of light flowing into the space around you. Repeat this breathing exercise until it becomes effortless, and you feel the sensations of calm.
- Sharing Stars!
Have the family form a circle around one person. That person is called the Super Star. Once Super Star is ready to whoosh out their star breath into the space around them (using a long sustained out-breath), the others close their eyes, open their hands and visualise receiving the ‘shared stars’. Kids love to tune into sensations of sharing stars. This also boosts connection and cooperation (oxytocin), imagination (needed for problem solving), and attention training.
- Get Creative!
Staying with the creative brain centres, why not make an indoor garden or help your kids to do this? All you need is:
• A large plate to contain the ‘garden’
• A small mirror or tin foil to represent reflections from water
• Some soil, stones or sand to represent the terrain (or use something out of date from the pantry, like lentils, coffee etc.)
• Either real plant cuttings, or artificial vegetation – Play Doh, plasticine, cardboard, pipe cleaners are starting points, but you are only limited by your imagination!
PS. Measuring the shadow and light would be a cool science experiment.
Or draw freestyle, paint while holding the brush with your non-dominant hand, or colour golden sunshine patterns on stones. All of the above helps align your sub-conscious mind with self-managed wellbeing. And this theme involves the power of the light. No wonder the ancients worshipped the sun!
PS…
- FACT! Your body and mind make up one amazing system that communicates within itself and also with the outside world.
- FACT! imagination stimulates electro-chemical signals that cascade throughout your nervous system.
- FACT! Your body and mind in stress (real or imagined) depletes nourishing brain chemistry.
- FACT! Your body and mind’s THRIVE DRIVE is something you can influence.
Do practice these simple skills to boost your Happy Brain, on purpose, with purpose and for a purpose! Make your purpose to shine!
by Kay Spare Login | Jul 3, 2023 | be well, brain aim, kids, mental health, mind-body, resilience, work well, workingwithkids
Do you have your own definition of good mental health? Have you ever thought about this? What are your guiding principles?
According to the UK Mental Health Foundation, good mental health is:
- The ability to learn
- The ability to cope with AND manage change and uncertainty
- The ability to form AND maintain good relationships with others
- The ability to feel, express and manage a range of positive AND negative emotions
In which of these areas do you excel? And which one needs some development? Does this resonate with you?
I’m a big fan of wellbeing personal audits since all of these ‘abilities’ once brought to your conscious awareness, can be trained, and refined. Accountability helps balance the current trend of victimhood.
You probably know how important it is to get clarity about the future you are aiming your brain towards. Aiming your mind and body towards better mental health seems like time well spent, don’t you think?
With that in mind, I’ve adapted the MHF definition into an easy exercise to help you do review your own needs. I suggest you write out your answers as it has a stronger imprint on the sub-conscious mind.
- Is learning new things important for you? Is it easy? What would make it easier?
- How adaptable are you to change and uncertainty? Where in your life, would you like to grow more flexibility and how would the ‘future you’ benefit from doing this?
- Do you easily form new relationships? And how do you nurture longer term relationships? Where could you better connect with others?
- Are you comfortable with your full range of emotions? With which emotions do you need to get more comfortable? Which ones do you want more of and which ones do you need less of?
- Are you being the best you can be so that any time, any place anywhere you shine? Which aspects of your personal growth do you prioritise?
Is your ‘north star’ shining from the constellation called thrive?
by Kay Cooke | Apr 1, 2023 | be well, mental health, mind-body, neurology, next generation, NLP, parenting, parents, psychology, resilience, workingwithkids
“I’m bored.”
Means “I don’t know what to do”?
Which implies “I need to know what to do”?
And therefore “please help me to avoid this feeling of uncertainty.”
TIME is the commodity and EMOTION is the currency; when we have time, we want to fill it will good feelings. And we can.
Yet a cruel outcome of fast-fix good feelings is ‘learned helplessness (“I’m bored – fix my feelings”)’ nourished by passive feel-goods like TV, social media, sugar, alcohol …
Phew!
Anxiety is dissolved by passive feel-goods. But not for long because we never resolve the nagging feeling that we dislike ‘that boredom space’.
Such a shame!
So many people feeling miserable and trapped within the solutions of quick-fixing profiteers.
Because!
Our brains are so easily trained, wired and re-wired.
Rewired by passive learning (the less aware we are of the boredom programming, the easier the acceptance).
Rewired by active learning and creative engagement with boredom to experience new and novel handling of uncertainty:
problem solving – how will I make that old sofa more comfortable?
creation – what kind of meal can I make out of these ingredients?
imagination – what will my garden look like if I dig up the flower bed?
experimentation – which windowsill has best suited my house plant?
exploration – let’s visit that woodland walk I heard about.
discovery – which food upset my digestion?
role play – how does it feel to pretend to be like my favourite calm person?
learning – which thoughts motivate me most?
Boredom!
Provides training ground for THRIVING through adapting and adjusting to difficulties and disappointments. Thriving brains know more conscious CHOICES.
Boredom!
Also provides training ground for SURVIVING through having our attention controlled by someone else. Surviving brains revert to auto-pilot and can’t make conscious choices.
Boredom!
Is a curious description of a state of human consciousness where there is space to be trained into helplessness and survival behaviour, or it is a space to build resourcefulness and resilience for a thriving future.
Thrive!
Let your children – and your own inner child – handle boredom actively …
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